Short jokes
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
911 help. Hello?
Never mind, forget it. You're so stupid 😡😡😡😡😏
Why do elves go to school?
To learn the elf-abet.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
*Ring Ring!*
Who’s there?
Soldier!
Soldier who?
You’ve soldier house! Congrats!
waHt
12/8?
We’ll be back.
ICH BIN GOTT.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
Ryan.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.
What does a car have when it's very itchy?
A road rash.
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.