Short jokes
What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?
When they're on their backs, they're screwed.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
Me and the boys are cool.
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
"Ow! You hit the spot!"
Chimichanga.
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
What happens at the orphanage be like:
The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”
Why did LankyboxGamesJustin go to the aquarium?
Because he's gonna dance with aquayyyyrium!
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
Your mama so ugly she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
Me: Hey, are your parents here?
Orphan: (crying) STOP CALLING HERE!
I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."