Short jokes
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
What did the mermaid wear for math class?
Algaebra.
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?
"Hey BrO!"
My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?
"Look, Ma! I peed in the pool!"
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Murueurx.
When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
"Is your refiger running?"
"Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it!"
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.