Short jokes
I'm bored. Someone wanna chat?
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple!
What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hey bud! When do you open?"
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha
I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
Nope, should've gone to Specsavers.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
Wanted: Sperm donors. Please come quickly!
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
I am Thor.
And next year, I will be five.