Short jokes
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
What do you call a scared cow?
A COW-ard.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
Jo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn't fit!
What do frogs eat?
French fries!
What did the pickle do on the road?
It said, "I'm Pickle Rick!"
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
Which dinosaurs masturbated the most? Triceratops, they were the horniest!
Yo mama so fat, she uses the Gulf of Mexico as her hot tub!
If you're taking notes in history class, aren't you just rewriting history?
I thought the Sahara was the largest desert until I saw your forehead.
What did the policeman shout to the cow running away?
"Get to the ground, beef!"
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To feel what it is like to be wanted.
What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?
Dead ends.
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
Why are natives called redskins? Idk, ask the pilgrims 😂