Short jokes
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
911 happened a while ago and it's slowly losing its fame.
Time for a remake!
If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
What do you call an Indian that doesn’t smell?
Asif
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
Why did the Titanic sink? Because everyone played Simon Says!
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?
One eats tape while the other eats pussy.
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
What's the difference between friends and family?
One is actually real.
I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
What’s Hitler’s favorite letter?
Not Z.
I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.