Short jokes
Virgos are always virgins to age 17... Just saying.
Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.
Guy: Where are they then?
Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
Wanna come hang out with me?
What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?
They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
What do orphans not see on a controller?
The home button.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
"Slow and steady wins the race."
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
Hey, this is to orphans:
"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"
You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.
Think about it.
Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)