Short jokes
"Ukraine be like Escape to Witch Mountain!"
I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
My brother when he sees a girl.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.