Short jokes
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Men wake up with a boner.
Women wake up yawning.
Coincidence?
Your hairline is like the universe, still waiting to be discovered.
I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.