Short jokes
Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.
I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
"Highway to Hell."
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.