Short jokes

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Osama bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

When Helen Keller tries singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl,

Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa Aaaaaaaaaa.

What did the Twin Towers say to each other?

Sorry if that offended anyone.

“I guess we are going down together!”

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

Have you guys heard about the crazy shadow glitch in the game Sonic X? Just google "Sonic X Shadow."

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

What do you call an Asian who gets a B?

It's not a B-sian.

Dead.

Why did God create women before men?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

What is the number one song played in Columbine High? Smells Like Teen Spirit.

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"