Short jokes
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?
They are both hung.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!
Why did Al Qaeda fail geometry?
'Cause they ruined the Pentagon.
Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
What do you call a tall terrorist?
Osama Bin Laden.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.
*True story*
I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"
Why don’t orphans live in villages?
Because they will get abandoned.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.