Short jokes

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.

Mom: Shut up and keep digging.

Wanna hear some famous last words?

"We are just experiencing some turbulence."

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.