Short jokes
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?
Because the sign says "No Tres passing."
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
The three unwritten rules of life:
1. 2. 3.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.