I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
Short Jokes
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
Error 404 File Not Found.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
