What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.