Short jokes

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

Why do orphans look so ugly?

Because they have a face not even a mother could love.

Why can't dwarfs go to space? Because NASA is not sending monkeys into space anymore.

Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.

Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.

Other family members: ...

Hehe.

We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.

A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.

I just left him hanging.

What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?

Nothing, they both crashed.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.