Short jokes

What's Japan's favorite hot sauce?

Da Bomb.

Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"

No one wants him, not even the bees.

I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.

I'll let you decide.

*having sex on lexapro*

Her: Cum for me, baby!

Me: I'm trying!

OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.

Only Cans.

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

What kind of air does Ariana breathe?

Helium?

I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.

My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.

My friend: How?

Justin: Justin!

How do you blindfold an Asian? String!

It's a tower.

No, it's a plane.

Me: Nope, it's 9/11.

Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.

Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.

Thank God I went on the tenth.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!