Short jokes
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
Pro tip kids, you CAN hit an orphan because they can't cry to their parents!
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?
"Who's the special today?"
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
What did the twin tower say to the other?
"I need to catch this plane."
Hiiii!
You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.
What is a four-legged animal called that can fly?
A donkey flying in the sky running away from me.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master's degree.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Joem.
Joem who?
Joem Ama.
I play with balls. Not me, the girl that was "playing something."
I want to run. I go Iran, because I RAN, not IRAN, because it’s an Iran joke about the country, not the movement.
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"