Short jokes
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
If I get 50 likes on this, I swear. 🦋
Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive, sorry. 💵💸
What do you get when you cross a Jamaican with a ginger?
A gingerbread man.
The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.
According to the pole 💈.
What language do billboards speak?
Sign language.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
Maggot.
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
Heaven is like university: no one gets in.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.
Why can't Mexicans cross the border? They always sneak powder in.