Short jokes
What do you call a Japanese car thief?
Tommy took a motor.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.