Short jokes
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?
The punchline isn’t apparent.
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper.
Turn the number 543354 upside down to see "sheesh."
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
Q: What do you call 9/11? A: Enemy persion airstrike.
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
If Shaquille O’Neal had a boat, he would’ve named it Freethrow, because he will never sink it.
She asked:
"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"
If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.