Short jokes
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
Orphans get family-sized chips for free.
What is a black person's least favorite word game?
Hangman.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pizzas and they only got plain: one came late, and then went to the wrong location.
The Twin Towers were mad at each other, so they all just started launching planes at themselves.
What do renovators and lesbians have in common?
They're both not interested in exposed wood, apparently.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They won't be able to find home.
What did the orphan say to the blind kid?\n\n"Hey, we both can't see our parents!"
Why can't two eggs tell jokes?
Because they will crack each other up!
I started crying when my dad cut up onions.
Onions was such a good hamster.
Why can't New Yorkers play chess?
Because they lost their towers.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
Who lives under the sea?
Malaysia flight 370.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.