Short jokes
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
Harder than a diamond in an ice storm.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What do you call an @EB with no ears?
An Explain B.
What do you call a child version of Batman?
The Raped Crusader.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
What do you call a cold Explain bear?
A brrr.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?
"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"
I'm so good at talking to myself but not to others.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
What's an orphan's least favorite T.V. show?
Family Guy.
What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.