Short jokes
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
I was looking forward to my date with this paraplegic girl, but she stood me up.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
You're more depressing than your own abortion video.
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
What do Jews and Black people have in common?
Living off welfare checks.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.