Short jokes
I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.
Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.
Is skin picking self-harm?
Cause I'm red all over without a razor.
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"
Responder: "Please hang on!"
My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.
I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
What has four legs and works at McDonald's?
The remaining members of Nirvana.
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
What does Kurt have in common with painters?
They paint walls.
What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?
What do you mean? He doesn't have one.
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!
What do you think of the Bill Cosby movie?
Netflix and alcohol.
What is the difference between a grandmother and a maid?
One is hope and the other is soap.
What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"