Short jokes
What's big, black, and lights up when you touch it?
A phone.
What do you call a stupid bear?
The bear that's gonna give this an explanation, and he's dumb.
What do you call a donkey with no feet?
A horse.
What's a Jew's favorite drink?
Mountain Jew.
What do you call bees that produce milk?
Boo-bees!
Why did the chicken cross the road, when it should stay on a farm?
What do Lindsay Clancy and Jane Doe have in common?
Neither could walk after what they did.
What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a train tunnel?
A train tunnel doesn’t get any wider when you rail it.
Did you hear about the midget astronaut?
He landed on Pluto.
How hot do pistons burn?
Hot enough to burn your house down.
Gordon Ramsay isn't a racist. If a team screws up, he screams at every person equally—no matter what their skin color.
Who's a rapper that likes to walk around naked?
Nudacris.
What do you call it when human vegetables die?
Spoiled food product.
What do you get when you cross a car with a woman?
A transmission that never shifts.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a lollipop?
A cocksucker.
What do women and wine bottles have in common?
They both have necks for grabbing, and holes to plug and unplug.
Don't drop the soup.
What's the difference between Jane Doe and a field?
A field gets harvested in the fall, while Jane Doe gets plowed.
I was tickling my son’s feet yesterday, and my wife said, "Wait until he’s born."
What're the only things that never come out of a Chi Phi frat house?
A virgin and unsnorted ketamine.