Short jokes
Better to drink until you wave it off than to wave it down.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
What would you call a Spanish Notch?
El Notch-o.
What would you call a cat royal’s descendants?
A feline.
What does a Foreigner say when he comes to America?
"You're as cold as I.C.E. You're willing to sacrifice brown lives..."
I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.
It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
Why did the priest invent baptism?
To wash their sex toys.
I'm racist.
I don't like green cars.
What is a dog's favorite music?
Pup rock
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
What did the black kid say when he went to the confession booth?
"Daddy?"
What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?
Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?
What's a pedophile's favorite fast food meal?
In-N-Out of kids.
Why is chemotherapy like a five-star meal?
Because you have to have money to pay for it.
What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?
They both drive with their blinker on.
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
Feminists should STFU and suck my dick!
A guy walks into a zoo, but it only has one dog.
It's a shitzu.