Short jokes
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.
Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?
A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.
Q. Why aren't Epstein jokes funny? A. Because it's such a touchy subject.
Why didn't the oyster share its pearl?
Because it was a cunt.
Q: What do you call an angry, bullied Asian kid?
Shoo Ting.
What happens after you eat at a combination Chinese-German restaurant?
An hour later, you're hungry—for power!
Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"
"Come on, take the camera!"
"Isn't it clear?"
"Well, look!"
My husband wants to tell me about my childhood.
Ok, I can't access the panel without the password.
What did the builder say after the foundation?
"Employees!"
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
Two blonde girls find a beautiful Christmas tree in the woods.
After two hours, someone said, "We found a tree without bark!"
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw a wok down the stairs.
What's Elizabeth Warren's nickname?
Pocahontas
What did the Indian say when the pizza was delivered to him?
"Hey! Who puked on the frybread?"
It used to be "My Body, My Choice" until Trump came to power. Now it's "Your Body, My Choice."