Short jokes
Gordon Ramsay isn't a racist. If a team screws up, he screams at every person equally—no matter what their skin color.
Who's a rapper that likes to walk around naked?
Nudacris.
What do you call it when human vegetables die?
Spoiled food product.
What do you get when you cross a car with a woman?
A transmission that never shifts.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a lollipop?
A cocksucker.
What do women and wine bottles have in common?
They both have necks for grabbing, and holes to plug and unplug.
Don't drop the soup.
What's the difference between Jane Doe and a field?
A field gets harvested in the fall, while Jane Doe gets plowed.
I was tickling my son’s feet yesterday, and my wife said, "Wait until he’s born."
What're the only things that never come out of a Chi Phi frat house?
A virgin and unsnorted ketamine.
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone: "Wing wing, arrow!"
Students across America have been spotted playing a parody of the horror game Five Nights at Freddy’s called “7 Hours at Chi Phi”.
Wanna know why your pussy reminds me of a garbage bag?
Because you fill it, stretch it out, and let it stink for weeks.
Why can't gay men be handymen?
Because they'll be caulk fighting on the job.
What do you get when you add one whole and one whole?
Two holes, dummy!
I feel sorry that your hairline deployed from war with your forehead.
What do a track meet and a frat house have in common?
They both have something getting ran through by eight men while it just sits there.
I hear Cornell produces very dedicated farmers; they’ll plow a field all night long no matter how much resistance she gives ’em.
What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a roller coaster?
You can ride both on Ketamine, but only one will get you on the news.
TODAY'S BRAIN CELL COUNT:
2, and both are competing for 5th place.