Short jokes
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
What makes my life so unfair?
You invading it for no apparent reason.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
I just got a taste of Kingston, Ontario's only transgender restaurant: 664 Bath. A Dairy Queen who used to be a Burger King.
According to the Police report, what did one traffic light say to the other? "Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.
What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?
"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."
Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.
I'm the autism.