Short jokes
What is the motto of left-wing authoritarianism?
We don't have one, so you don't need one.
Which game do socialists hate the most?
Monopoly.
What does a pizza man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both scrape the cheese out of the box for a nice snack.
If Asians have face scanners... do they all have the same face scanner?
What’s the most positive thing in Africa?
Their HIV test.
I thought Gastown was in Vancouver, not in Wilkie, Saskatchewan.
Tracy Latimer was described as cheerful, popular at school, and as an animal lover.
Just trying to gas her up a little bit.
Who is Tracy Latimer's least favourite Beauty and the Beast character?
GASton.
I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.
It was a gas.
Who is Tracy Latimer's least favourite actor?
Vin Diesel.
What's the difference between Trump and a Cheez-It cracker?
The cracker is naturally orange.
What do autistic kids and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms.
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.
If number 666 is evil, then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
Alberta.
The only province where the Premier wears anal beads around her neck.
What is the national bird of Iran?
An American drone.
Can I get a building license?
It's the end of the world!
What do you call a series of ascending steps with eyes that follow you intently?
A starecase.
Are you the king of the jungle? 'Cause why are we lying?