Short jokes
I would build you a monument so that you would finally come up with clever thoughts.
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
My dad was such a good man. RIP, Osama bin Laden.
What does Ben 10 call his wife?
Humungouswhore
I got kicked off Ancestry for asking if anyone wants to fuh.
I got, I got, I got royalty inside my penis, or however the song goes.
I have a crush on my sister!
I always enjoy family reunions.
It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.
Why does family love family?
Because everyone has their Friday night nut together.
Why does a brother love his sister?
Because he came in her.
Sister: "Has anyone seen my clothes?"
Brother: "They're still in my bed."
I saw two deaf people talking shit about me in sign language.
So I turned off the lights.
Yo mamma is so slutty, she uses a submarine as a dildo because it's long, hard, and filled with seamen.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
"Thank you for letting me borrow your wife."
*darned autocorrect*
"Thank you for letting me borrow your wi-fi"
I have a crush on a girl and both her parents are millionaires.
I guess that gives the term "Eat the rich" a whole new meaning.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
What is the best item at a Mexican Burger King?
Hopper Jr.