Short jokes
Who are the fastest readers on Earth?
The pilots flying the 9/11 planes. They went through 6 stories in 5 seconds.
If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
The + in LGBTQ+ stands for pedophiles.
Autists either believe everything you tell them or are nonstop skeptics. There is no in-between.
American-accented, British pronunciation, what am I?
Either Canadian or European.
Why do they call it oven, when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?
How does Hitler tie his shoes? With little Nazis.
Why is an apple not called a "red", but an orange is called an "orange"?
There are three Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
The cop!
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
How do you piss off a feminist? You rape her.
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
Why do you need an AR-15?
So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
They didn't burn witches back in the day, they burned bitches.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby, it would be a turd covered in semen.
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!