Short jokes
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Your forehead’s so big it got sponsored by GAP.
What do you call a fight at a dementia unit?
A Sundown Smackdown.
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
Children are like pills.
The smaller they are, the easier they are to take.
Why do Chinese people never play baseball?
Because they always eat the bat.
What do you call a closet with two lesbians inside?
A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a terrorist in a bath?
A bath bomb.
Why were the Twin Towers mad during 9/11?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead got plane.
What's the difference between a boomerang and a Black father?
A boomerang comes back.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
Where do short people disappear on the first of December?
Santa's Workshop.
Why don't terrorists like Walmart?
They prefer a Target.
Why is America so bad at playing chess?
They lost two towers.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.
What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?
Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.