Short jokes
Where was Stephen Hawking born?
Under a coconut tree.
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
Why did the pedophile get kicked out of the candy store?
Because he snatched all of the Sour Patch Kids.
What do black people and sports cars have in common?
Getting a noise complaint for being so loud.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He said, "Six foot four."
Hey, wanna know why you remind me of a waitress?
Because you handle my food great, and I give you a good tip afterwards.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because there was only a stairway to heaven and no lifts.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
Why did the clown fall off his bike?
Because the neighbor threw a washing machine at him.
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Grandma.
Grandma who?
I didn't know you could yodel!