Short jokes

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

I have no problem with prostitution.

It's like an Air BnB for your dick.

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?

They're cool and chill.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

Money, money, green, green. Money is all I need, need.

I found out how to gain millions of followers.

Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.

Harder than a diamond in an ice storm.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

What do you call an @EB with no ears?

An Explain B.

What do you call a child version of Batman?

The Raped Crusader.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

What do you call a cold Explain bear?

A brrr.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

Why did Catholic women stop going to church?

Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.

What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?

"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"

I'm so good at talking to myself but not to others.