Short jokes
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.
Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She was born without arms.
What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.
If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?
So they have a place to hang the air freshener.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.
How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."
Why does Mini P.E.K.K.A. love pancakes? Because he is busy watching explicit content involving the Archers and Firecracker.
What do you call a pig in a blanket?
My wife on a cold day.
Did you know that water is wet?
Why were the Twin Towers made on 9/11? They ordered pepperoni pizza but got plane.
Why can't the English play chess? Because they lost their queen. And why can't the US play chess? Because they lost their towers.
Why does everyone say there are mines in Bosnia? There are no-
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Your hairline is so far back, a pilot thought it was an airplane.