Short jokes

Short jokes

What was going through the head of a 9/11 victim on the 88th floor?

The 89th floor.

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, she was electrocuted.

Me: I saw your parents yesterday.

Orphan girl: Where?

Me: The coffin was still open.

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

You’re so fat,

that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?

Spit, spit, spit!