Short jokes

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

What did the evil chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

What is my most popular side of myself?

Suicide.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

Calendars got dates.

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

Where is the building I was in, and why is there a plane?

Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

What does WTC stand for?

"What Trade Centre?"

Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.

Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.