Short jokes

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

I made a 3D game about a depressed, self-harming goth. It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

What did I say to the bridge?

Bye, bridge.

My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.

My heart says to stop because it hurts.

Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.

Dee.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

Imagine if a disabled person's last name was Runner or Walker! 😬😂

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

Your forehead is deeper than the ocean.

You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"

Yo, forehead reflects projectiles just like the shield in Strike Force Heroes.