Short jokes
I like my girls like my file systems...
FAT and 16.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
What's a ghost's favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid!
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.