Short jokes
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
What do you eat out of?
- A bowl.
What college do cows go to?
The Mooniversity.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?
A: Cuatro Cinco.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Why is 1026 afraid of 1028?
Because 1028 1029.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
"BU" is the element of a surprise. Boo!
What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
What do you call a steak that tastes bad?
A MISsteak.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...