Short jokes
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
Sally fell off the swing.
Sally has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
I invented a new word today.
Plagiarism.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
Where was Stephen Hawking during the house fire?
The top of the stairs.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
Trump, must I say more?
Down Syndrome is already a joke.
My name is Jeff.
Lol, dick, I'm the dick and duck.
your mom
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.