Short jokes

What do you call a club that owls go to?

Hooters.

Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.

Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!

Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?

What did the boy say to the girl? "Damn! You pissy, stank!"

What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?

"That hit the spot?"

What's the difference between depression and a girl?

XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.

How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!

What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.

Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.

I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.

What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".

What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"

I have a son. Her name is Zara.

I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.