Short jokes
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"