Short jokes
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
Lol.
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's grey and can't fly?
A parking lot.
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What's white and can't climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
Why is Black Panther every cop's worst nightmare?
He is a bulletproof black man.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
You know why I hate paper? It's TEAR-able to the environment.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
What do you call black people in pool?
Coco Pops.