Short jokes
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Stephen Hawking + Computer = SMART!
Stephen Hawking + Shoulder = HUNGRY!
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
He couldn't take the stairway to heaven; he had to take the lift.
Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...