Short jokes
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
Why am I idiot?
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door...
Mrs. Duncan knows where you live. She lives there too. In your basement... lolololololololololololololololololol
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
👌neck
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Kevin Woody (look him up)
Your mum!
Why would hunting a bald eagle in America be a bad idea?
Because it's ill-eagle.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."
Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But I got over it.