Short jokes
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?
I don't know... I'm from China.
Why are some people African?
Because genes, you dummy!
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
Why is Sally dead? Cause she has no arms.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Stephen Hawking + Computer = SMART!
Stephen Hawking + Shoulder = HUNGRY!
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.