Short jokes
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!
A drum rolled down a hill. Ba-dum-tsssh!
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Bill Cosplay
Electricity.
What is a Jedi's favorite Italian dessert?
Obi-Wan Cannoli.
What did the bounty hunter call his favorite dog?
His Boba Pet.
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?