Short jokes
I'm gay, lol.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
What do you call a pizza?
Anthony Cahill's face!
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
What do you call a pool full of white people?
Kix.
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What's a person in a wheelchair's favorite sport?
Jousting.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.