Short jokes
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?
Stephen Walkins.
How do you poop?
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
The world's funniest joke? Your life.
Why is it called a building if it's already built?
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
Fucking Windows updates!
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!