Short jokes
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Why are smurfs blue?
Because they get bruises all the time.
Who am I sitting next to?
Charlotte looks like a sperm.
What’s brown?
Idk.
What is Jay?
Phat.
I lick cows for my mother.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
A guy walks into a mosque... then blows up.
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.