Short jokes
Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
I have two eyes and am afraid of sex.
A Fortnite player.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.