Short jokes
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
When the school lets you near children again...
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish! 😂
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.