Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
Short Jokes
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
Stroke victims are my heroes.
My favorite is Louis C.K.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Three Jewish people walk into a bar.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
A cardboard belt is a waste of paper.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
I put glue in a man :)
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Don't worry, neither have they.
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
