Short jokes
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What's the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
Donald Trump: "I play Fortnite just to build walls."
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.