Short jokes
Rowan
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
What's the difference between a boy and gold?
More people want gold.
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
What's the difference between a noodle and a scaboodle fladooodle?
What happens when two walls meet?
They are cornered.
What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?
"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
weixian
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.