The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Short Jokes
Yo mama is soooooo fat that she was arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack!
I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.
I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"
I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.
Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.
He’s got himself.
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Walking's a chore, let alone crawling.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
Sans
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
Tuxedos suit you.
I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.
What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?
"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."
Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?
She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
