Short jokes
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
Why did Ross fall off the swing?
Because he had no arms.
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.
There's no one.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.