Short jokes
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?
Mario Kart.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
5+2 = 7
But 4+3 also = 7
So take your own path.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
Don't touch my bot.
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
Did you hear about the Mormons?
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
What was the first man made out of? Adams! (Atoms)
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
Hey girl, are you a wizard? Because you cast lit in my Final Fantasy!