Short jokes

The retards take the ancestry tests at 24andMe.com.

What did Michael Jackson find on his bed?

Billie's Jeans.

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant High School is probably a thot.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

I drove past Wendy’s the other day. No other stores were open, so I asked, “Wendy’s openin’ then?”

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.

All dumbs aren't blonde.

I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."

If you're ever bored, pee on an android. Apple is better!

Why do seagulls not fly over the bay?

Because if they did, they'd be bay gulls.

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?

A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

Teacher: Take a seat, class.

Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.

A person with a wheelchair makes a joke. No one laughs.

Inner thought: "Wheely Manerva, wheely."

People with wheelchairs listen to "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele.

My friend Nickiya wanted to know what animal she'd be. I said that she would be a "Ni-cat-a."