Short jokes
Hey John, how are you going?
Helium, yeah good, what about you?
(Hey Liam)
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.
The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.
The Ace of Spades was Hippy Flipping.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
What's the difference between an aborted fetus and an upside-down bar stool?
An upside-down bar stool can only pleasure 4 men.
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
Why can’t you run in a campground?
Because it’s past tents.
Babe, it's over.
After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.
I meant the movie...
Life.
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.