Short jokes
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
Six shila.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
Two towers.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
Why is Goofy named Goofy? Because he is goofy!
One time I ate a chair.
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.
What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”
Reply back with “Because you were born.”
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.