Short jokes
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
Why did 7 kill 11?
Because now 7 was even.
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
You might find this joke a rib-tickler, but I sure do.
ABBaS.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
I want to do Uranus. (tounge emoji) (wet emoji)
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
Bob: Kanye West.
Dad: No, but I can East.