Short jokes
We're all unique, which is something we all have in common.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
Can you fuck me, please?
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
What's worse than 5 babies in a dumpster?
5 dumpsters in a baby.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
I yam a food lover. I also like sweet potatoes.
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.