Short jokes
What do you call an old snowman?
Answer: Water.
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
We don't read backwards.
Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
Q: What kind of building weighs the least?
A: A lighthouse!
Sheep want to wool the world :)
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
Roses are blue, violets are blue.
What? Ohh, shit!!!!!! I hate having dyslexia!
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
Mike, ID is coming tonight.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
What did the egg who was sun bathing say to the other egg? Don't look at my crack!