Short jokes
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
Edward Robinson + Grant Wisler = WHAT THE FU**?
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
Are you bisexual...
Or are you hellosexual?
When you got on an airplane, the flight attendant asked which hairline you were flying with.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?
The licorice is black.
I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.
They always start with two towers downed.
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
Nah, North Korea got inspired by the fatman nuke that he also became a fatman with nukes.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.