Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
Short Jokes
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
Mike, ID is coming tonight.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
What did the egg who was sun bathing say to the other egg? Don't look at my crack!
Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.
Let's just say Dawn got very mad.
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
Friend says, "You were so drunk last night, you threw a mushroom at a midget and said, 'Grow, Mario, grow.'"
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
Knock knock. Who's there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can't reach the doorbell knocking at your door.
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
King.
