Short jokes
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
Stop joking with cancer.
- From a survivor :)
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Is your oven running?
Then you better go catch it!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
Is your tap water running well?
Beta, go catch it!
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
What does BLM stand for?
Bisexual Lives Matter.
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
The duck walked up to the lemonade stand.
And he said to the man Running the stand, "Hey! Bomp bomp bomp Got any grapes?"
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.