Short jokes

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Welcome to Blind Date. With me, Stevie Wonder!

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.

Lynx: For that cheap teenage smell of desperation.

Like a lot of people watching the Olympics, I'm wondering why black people don't just take over the earth.

Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.

Where do you mix a bunny and a hare?

Bunny hair.

What is the plural of goose? Geese.

What is the plural of foot? Feet.

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ain't meese!

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!

Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.

Alen vs. Predator.

Tongue Trick Sex: The Movie.

Not coming soon!

It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.

From the makers of Mangeone...

I was Gandalf the Grey.

But now, after just three washes...

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

Wanted: Sperm donors. Please come quickly!