Short jokes
What's NASA's grossest mission?
Probing Uranus.
Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Well, if someone ever calls you gay 🌈🏳️🌈, just say, "Well, at least I'm straighter than the pole your mommy dances on." 🤣🖕
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.
2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.
Yo people!
Little Johnny's actually dead!